April152014
A Very Bad Man by Jizoku-San
King James Gloucester of Valencia is the antagonist of the Cry of the South series: a racist, drunk with the power of his inheritance but blinded by terrible fear that his kingship will be taken from him by a figure from his past. To compensate, he wipes out an entire race in an act of unforgivable genocide to cement himself in history and points his barrel at another more deadly enemy… Altarod. What, of course, he’ll find in time is that often the ending opponent is not the man you point your gun at. It’s the man you rob of all reason to be good. 

A Very Bad Man by Jizoku-San

King James Gloucester of Valencia is the antagonist of the Cry of the South series: a racist, drunk with the power of his inheritance but blinded by terrible fear that his kingship will be taken from him by a figure from his past. To compensate, he wipes out an entire race in an act of unforgivable genocide to cement himself in history and points his barrel at another more deadly enemy… Altarod. What, of course, he’ll find in time is that often the ending opponent is not the man you point your gun at. It’s the man you rob of all reason to be good. 

April142014

Personal Issues

One thing that has always, ALWAYS been a big issue for me is religious differences within my family. I’m the only spiritualist. The rest are christian. You’d think ‘what difference does that make’ but frankly to some people it’s all the difference in the world. 

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April62014

Day 1 of 30: Holding Hands

this was an incredibly difficult start for me, mainly because I don’t know how to draw without stock photos (I’ve posted my frame of reference along with the finished line art; Senshistock is incredible!) For this photo, while I did attempt to draw only from looking and with basic frame of reference, I did cheat and use the stock for the hands. It was really hard to interlace their fingers with my small experience. Maybe by the end of this, I will have a better advantage on fingers? :) 

March252014

I finally got my hair cut, styled, and dyed. Thank god for that. I was starting to look like Mufasa’s sister.

March172014

So over the weekend I got to hold a baby sheep.
There is nothing quite so innocent and enjoyable as frolicking with a lamb.

March102014

Crop Circles

For Anthony

Crop circles in my brain
Have given me the ability
To hold you in my arms
Without our skins ever touching
Without our eyes ever meeting
And I am struck-
by how lonely you have made me
By not being
By not existing. Yet.

I collect my coins
and throw them
at the only phone booth I have
For another hour,
the crop circles in my brain
are explained, unraveled.
I cannot decipher them
on my own.
I am cut off.

(My fear
That one day I will wake up
to be told you will never be)

I have ‘x’s on calender days
and red markers to keep me occupied
but the crop circles grow
and I know
that you know
that I know
that you are not here yet.

Sometimes you touch me.
Sometimes you hear me.
Sometimes you talk to me.
And I am deaf. I am mute.
I am utterly cut off.
A character on a page of a book that you read.
And you read.
You ponder each page.
And you touch the illustrations of me.
And think to yourself:
‘there is someone
I could believe in’
Never knowing that it is I
who believes in you.

The crop circles tell us
that once we were siblings
and once more lovers
but most times, ten times over, mother and child.
And it is in those tellings
that I fully comprehend
How lonely I will always be
until I hold you again.

On the other side of the corn field
-Crop circles between us-
You watch me from the pages of your book
And wish you were born.
— Lila Dostal (March 10th, 2014)

March62014

Irritating Issues

What is it about me that makes some people think I can take harsh criticism better than others?

Seriously, it’s not funny to me when teachers laugh and are like “you can take it” and criticize me openly in front of the rest of the class. Whatever happened to having a private discussion after class? Like, I get that you want to be edgy and hip and it’s fun to be sarcastic to your students, but enough is enough and you don’t have to get up out of your chair, come around to my chair, put your hands on your knees like I’m in third grade, and tell me to “quite fucking around”.

Seriously.

First of all, I was paying attention to the poet. I had the poem out right in front of me and was following along. You assumed I wasn’t paying attention, you assumed wrong. Loudly. In front of the rest of the class.

Secondly, my computer is how I take notes because my hands shake so bad that I can’t read my own handwriting. It’s really embarrassing and I don’t like people bringing attention to the fact that I use my computer.

You say to me “what does this have to do with what we’re doing right now” and of course I say “nothing” because right now we’re focusing on the poem. WHICH IS WHAT I’M DOING.

and you tell ME to quit fucking around.

Get back in your goddamn chair then, why don’t you, and act like a teacher instead of a moody teenager? I show up to every class, on time, prepared, with my materials, ready to distribute. I speak during discussions and engage the poet in critique, but you just can’t resist the urge to be a douche to me, and laugh saying “It’s okay, she can take it.”

You have literally no idea that I am extremely socially-conscious, that being called out in front of a group of people is like my worst nightmare, and that for ten years I was constantly reprimanded in front of groups by the people who were supposed to be my FRIENDS my SUPPORT GROUP, to the point where I didn’t like talking in public.

How exactly do I need to portray this with body language to make you understand what I’m not technically aloud to say in words: LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE.

Seriously.

January302014
All Hail the Queen by Jizoku-San

A tri-split image containing the three most influential queens of my personal series “The Cry of the South”. Elizabeth, the hostage but rightful heir to the Valencian throne Sezaria, the empress of Cotati and all its outer-lying islands. Rani, the Demon King of Altarod, and ruler of the Agas. 

I wanted to show different characteristics for each woman, symbols of her culture, and ways of her ruling. I hope that each character appears different from the next, considering that these women are as unparalleled as they are uncontrolled.

All Hail the Queen by Jizoku-San

A tri-split image containing the three most influential queens of my personal series “The Cry of the South”.
Elizabeth, the hostage but rightful heir to the Valencian throne
Sezaria, the empress of Cotati and all its outer-lying islands.
Rani, the Demon King of Altarod, and ruler of the Agas.

I wanted to show different characteristics for each woman, symbols of her culture, and ways of her ruling. I hope that each character appears different from the next, considering that these women are as unparalleled as they are uncontrolled.

October302013
Guess what demme is going as for Halloween. 
A bee. 
buzz buzz. 

Guess what demme is going as for Halloween. 

A bee. 

buzz buzz. 

October82013

So today I went to see an old friend. 

She has chinchillas. 

…. I may have gone more for the chinchillas than her. 

………. don’t tell her. 

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